kookie kookie lend me your comb

Bolivia is the natural alternative to abortion

2010-06-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

The plan after Uyuni was to take the train to Tupiza because we had absolutely had it with the Bolivian bus system and figured that the train would be the best bet. Well, they somehow managed to make the train ride equally if not more bumpy than the off-roading bus ride through the desert and I was actually flung against the window the entire time. By the time we got to Tupiza, which is where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid were gunned down, I was completely green and very worried about a repeat of the after-effects of the Uyuni busride. We tried to elicit some sort of sympathetic response from the locals by saying I was pregnant. It didn't work. I only got an extra pillow after paying for it. Tupiza is a real old west town complete with incredibly scary townsfolk, and the need to get indoors as soon as you can see your shadow in front of you, or the sun is going down. you absolutely CANNOT get lunch past 12:00, even if you are pregnant, starving, and trying very hard not to vomit. Even if you offer to pay double. Even if you cry. The townsfolk will be in their restaurants watching tv and absolutely will not serve you; some of them will even forcibly remove you from their restaurants by pushing you out the door, and doing a really scary excorcist laugh when you turn around and gasp. Luckily we found a nice family who agreed to serve us and it turned out to be really delicious steak and quinoa soup for less than ten dollars. We had been planning to go horseback riding in the mountains but after the horrible response from the locals we were too afraid and really just wanted to get the hell out of there. Not to mention the fact that I was still a flattering shade of puke-green. Absolutely sick to death of proletariat transport we decided to just get a taxi to drive us to the border and figure it out once we were OUT! OF! BOLIVIA!. The taxi was pretty cheap and the drive was gorgeous, the surrounding mountains were red and looked a bit like Arizona, it was really too bad we didn't go horseback riding but after going in Salta, I knew we made the right decision because it would have been way too scary if I didn't have complete faith in our guide and the docility of our horses. At the border the bus company tried to rip us off AGAIN selling us super-camas with hot meals and seats thats recline all the way back but this time we were too smart for them and checked our tickets when they gave them to us only to discover that while we were paying for the beds, they had only printed regular bus tickets so we demanded our money back immediately and once again discovered that the service didn't even exist. We ended up booking a 7 hour bus to Salta, even though we had no idea what Salta was. Obviously this was no uneventful busride, and was in keeping with our record of being incredibly bizarre, scary, confusing and I really wished I could have taken out my camera. The bus was PACKED with indigenous people who had smuggled alcohol aboard and were congregated around our seats (literally sitting on our arm rests) passing the bottle around and chewing coco leaves and spitting them on the floor. The bus stank, they were all so loud and so drunk and we were incredibly confused as to why every single one of them had about a hundred blankets and towels and bags full of stuff that they kept moving around and checking on. We learned early on that some of the blankets served a purpose since the bus was once again FREEZING and at 2 in the morning our bus pulled over and everyone started getting off. Oh and I forgot to mention that they all spoke a weird hybrid dialect that didn't have much to do with Spanish, plus they were slurring because they were drunk and we couldnt understand a single thing they said. So we had no idea what was going on except that as they filed off the bus, they kept giving us blankets and coats and bags of stuff and asking us to keep it. We finally figured out that we all needed to get off the bus, all of our bags were thrown off as well and we had to collect them and bring them inside this building that served as a drug control stop and they were checking everyones bags. Turns out these people were argentinian and had gone into bolivia to buy cheap goods and resell them in Argentina but obviously couldnt be doing that legally since they would have to pay taxes on it or there was a limit to how much they could bring across and they were all trying to get the ONLY gringos (as always) on the bus to take the stuff for them and try to pass it off as our own. Plus, they were trying to bribe us with blankets and coats since we were freezing and quite underdressed. We obviously couldnt take their stuff since we didnt know if there were drugs in them or anything - but the police didnt even look through our bags the only comment they even made was to ask each other where montreal was and laugh about ho it was funny that we were both born in canada. After this one hour long ordeal we had bonded with the other passengers so I was a little less nervous and got maybe ten minutes of sleep. Oh, Jordan was obviously passed out right from the beginning, completely unperterbed by the fat lady falling into his lap every few minutes. Anyways I had fallen asleep for about an hour or so when we stopped once again and a police officer came onto the bus with a heavy duty flashlight and started looking through everybody's bags that were on the bus (which were quite plentiful) he shined the light in sleeping passengers faces (who were passed out drunk) and then even shook them awake very roughly yelling questions that didnt seem to make any sense like "where is the chocolate where is the chocolate!" Jordan slept through this as well. Anyways the bus ride was like a first-class flight after the Uyuni ordeal but the whole thing was incredibly weird and confusing. And SO happy to get out of Bolivia!

Ladies is Gauchos too (Bolivian mule riding for some, Italian Stallion riding for others)

2010-05-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

If you find yourself in Salta, which you should, it's great - stay at the Patios de Lerma Hotel. It's gorgeous, there's a rooftop patio with two jaccuzzi hot tubs (which are like baths, you can adjust the temperature with a faucet, except housekeeping draws it for you and brings you bathrobes and slippers) and the people who work here are so nice and friendly and gluten-free knowledgeable. Also it's on the best street in town that has all the best restaurants. Also if you are here, you should do the salta horseback riding tour, it's beautiful and so much fun. We went with a real live gaucho (I was so jealous of his outfit, but I got a SERIOUS cowboy hat. He took us up the windiest road I've ever been on (obviously) for 15k, just one turn followed by a turn in the opposite direction the entire time. So nauseating. Jordan slept through it. The farm we went to used to be an old monestary and the chapel is intact but a family keeps it as their weekend and summer home, renting it out and a bunch of people live there year round working on the land. The horses were so nice and beautiful, and there were five dogs that followed us everywhere. This blog could actually have been called Rachel with a series of barnyard animals if I hadn't already used that title for my Amsterdam blog. Anyways we went up into the mountains, not really on much of a trail, with an overhanging canopy of trees and amazing views of valleys full of chirping parrots. The dogs ran ahead the whole way. At first I was incredibly depressed because my horse would not obey any of my commands and was going incredibly slowly and it caused me to doubt my assertion, self-worth, and strength of personality but luckily Jordan agreed to switch horses with me and my confidence was regained when I realized my horse was just a Bolivian mule in that he was contrary and stubborn. We had a bar b q of pretty much an entire cow, and it was theeee best meat I have ever had, coming from a presque-vegetarian. For some reason we took the horses running after our gigantic lunch and multiple glasses of wine, it was pretty terrifying but a lot of fun, even though i almost got decapitated by a tree branch and ended up sporting it as a hair accessory. Now neither of us can walk and are so exhausted we aren't going to make our 11 00 dinner (because thats when dinner starts here, and we're always too tired to make it to the show, but if you are more lively after intense day-long excursions of exhausting physical exertion, go to the vieja estacion for the show, the restaurant is so cool. and if you're dining a little earlier so you can pass out on the most comfortable beds ever, go to la lenita and get the "mashed potatos" which is actually mashed potatoes wrapped in melted mozzarella cheese and fried and is the most delicious thing ever r so jordan told me as i made him describe every bite and get the house wine and steak, sins egg para me) going to do the aforementioned passing out now, pictures and really funny video of me screaming while galloping into the sunset to follow.

Uyuni

2010-05-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

if you are going to Uyuni, do not bother staying anywhere but La Petite Porte. Christophe, the owner is the nicest person you will meet in all of Bolivia *as is his Janett, who also works there*. If you're Spanish is less than perfect, it will be a welcome relief to converse in French (he's from Lille, France) or English. He will bend over backwards to accommodate any requests and will help with travel plans, even calling hotels to book them for you. It's like staying at a friend's house with the added bonus of luxurious privacy. The hotel is BEAUTIFUL, full of light, open and airy and every detail is perfect I want my home ot look exactly like it. The best part is that there´s a tv with dvd in your room and he has 100s of dvds to choose from which will come in handy because there´s nothing at all to do in Uyuni after the sun goes down (not that there´s all that much to do during the daytime either, aside from seeing the salt flats). Before doing the salt flat tour we had a couple days in Uyuni since I was gravement infirme and couldn´t leave my bed or even take my head out of a garbage bag. Luckily I was able to recuperate in comfort while watching Lost in Translation, Snatch and The Heartbreak kid while Jordan tried to find me broth. Here´s the thing about Uyuni (and in my experience, as well as everyone I´ve spoken about it with since, all of Bilivia) even though the town exists solely as a stopover for tourists en route to see the salt flats, it does not ctaer to tourists in the least. Absolutely nobody wants to work, even though they are living in squalor and you can´t even pay extra for service. Restaurants close at exactly 12:30 and will not serve you afterwartds because the chef and waitors will be sitting inside watching a movie. No matter if you´re starving and about to pass out, haven´t eaten in days or are willing to pay them triple the prices on the menu, they will forcibly push you out of their place of ¨business¨. Laundry places take about a week to do your laundry and again when offered more money to do it faster the lady replied Ï honestly just don´t feel like it¨. Perhaps the weirdest part of Uyuni is that absolutely nothing is made there - they import everything from mustard and chocolate bars to clothes, drinks, fruits, vegetables. Nothing is fresh and nothingis local except for the salt (which you´ll be needing a lot of if you´re going to be eating the food). They get everything they need from this huge open air market where there are stalls selling everything from soap and pharmacy items to televisions and hosuehold appliances and if it isn´t there then you can´t get it. The museum was closed when we went because there was a change in government and the new government fired everybody in order to create postions for their friends but there was a problem at the museum, somehow things got broken and now it has no plans to reopen üntil there is a new government. They had plans to open an airport in Uyuni, but only got so far as to make a runway which was then completely destroyed because the locals went drag racing on it and went there to learn how to drive. It is the strangest, most backwards and middle-of-nowhere-town ever. The salt flats, though, are pretty much worth it. They are completely otherworldly, you feel like you are driving across an alien planet or walking on the moon. I have never seen such colors anywhere. We went on a private tour with the only nice Bolivian we encountered aside from Christophe and Jannette (only one of whom is atcually a native bolivian) and got to drive up a volcano and see pre-inca skeletons that they foundin a cave. They say that the skeletons are a family ( the kids skeletons are especially haunting) and they either dies of natural causes such as starvation or else they were locked in the cave as a sacrifice to the mountains. The highlights of Salta were sedifintely CHRISTOPHE and his amazing hotel and restaurant (the only place to get a good meal) he´ll have atable ready for you right by the fire, the music is really good, the service is great and the food is delicious, the salkt flats were incredible and I always love seeing dead people.

i told you when i came i was a stranger

2010-05-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

more ipod note-writing on a bus

The only two good things about this bus are that it's driving us away from La Paz and that the TVs are broken. Aside from that it's freezing cold, smells like pee, has suspicious looking stains on the seats and even more suspicious looking people. I can't believed we ever complained about our semi-cama bus, I don't need a cama or hot meals but I will definitely need to be fumigated after this ten-hour-long ride. We had to bribe the baggage guy not to steal our bags, while he kept saying what a nice bag I had, how he always wanted one and it wasn't fair that he would have to go out and buy one when he could really just put it on his back and walk away and what would anyone do. So the ride started out well. Nevermind that the three muchachos in front of me look like they just busted out of a chain-gang - the first one had a very threatening-looking burn scar under his eye, the one next to him had nails so long they curled over like snail shells and the third piece de resistance was a drug dealer with two teardrop tattooes under his eye, blasting music from his cell phone and taking calls (very loudly) from his various clients. All of them were packing cocain, and sitting very, very close to us. Jordan is (obviously) taking the first rotation of sleeping (like a freaking baby?!) while I sit guard con opinelle with our belongings strapped to my leg, trying not to stare or hyperventilate. So awesome. I put on my ipod to try to distract myself and am so delirious with fatigue and fear that I can't stop giggling at Donovan's accent (and my terror of being discovered giggling by the muchachos is only making it more uncontrollable). Is that a real accent (the lullabye of spring, which, thanks a lot donavon, is not soothing me in the least) it's how my elementary school music teacher MS. (underline MIZZZZ) Ewanashyn tried to get us to sing, rolling our 'r's and such. I assume she was imitating the queen or something as opposed to Donovan. I am absolutely mesmerized by how Jordan is sleeping right now - he can sleep through absolutely anything, even incredibly menacing (not to mention bumpy) bus rides. This morning alone he slept through a phone call, a knock on the door and a full on parade outside our opened window. And now he sleeps through our frequent stops in incredibly unsavory neighborhoods where people get on and off the bus (which is not supposed to stop, by the way) and I can't tell whether they are the same people or new ones and have no idea what's going on but I suspect we're picking up packages. I'm starting to have very serious doubts about this mode of transport.

Things I need to remember -

It's funny that the news in Spanish is called diaria (yeah, i'm five)
and the names of my future children

Chasy Sciota
Carmody Bracque (who will open an antique store and call it bricque-a-bracque)
Sorensen Carlisle
Boregitta
Rurally Tierras

A Rose for Emily is a seriously depressing song. "the roses fade away, not one left for her grave"? Need to make a cheerier ipod selection when trying to distract myself from full-on panic attack every time the guys in front of my move. Death by the pretty things. Oh another long-awaited investment = a record player and a silk bathrobe and a lamp with a lace scarf thrown over it so the light looks like spider webs (and an apartment to put this stuff in) and then i'll wear my alpaca socks and bathrobe and listen to billy holiday all the time. Also i will take up drinking, i think it's about time. And then in a dimly-lit bar in a few years from now when a handsome stranger in a trench coat and top hat tries to buy me a drink I'll say "no thanks Johnny, I'm giving it up." his name will not be Johnny.

What I NEED right now is a coloring book to soothe my nerves. What I love about coloring books is that they serve as a creative outlet while still following the rules - you are given complete creative freedom within designated lines. For some reason, rebellious as I have always been, this is my lifelong dream...as long as it's only lines that I like, none of that coloring in the grass bullshit. I want princesses and houses and clothing. To do med school without doing calculus, to go camping on kilimanjaro without ever having slept in a tent before, go skydiving even if i get motion sickness on a swing and have complete creative freedom within a structured set of acceptable lines. I don't like to color in the grass.

End of Ipod Note Writing on bus due to the events that ensued, mainly vomiting for the remainder of the ten hour-long busride. And a drug raid where a guy ran onto the bus yelled "DUENA DE COCA" and my three compadres ran and hid (I think under the bus). Nobody had thought to mention that he road between La Paz and Uyuni does not, in fact, exist, and that we would consequently be off-roading through the desert for ten hours. I would have brought more plastic bags. Jordan is abruptly woken up by my flailing hands as i warn him to get me a plastic bag so that i don't throw up on him, which i (mostly) manage to avoid doing. There are subsequent horrific events that i can't post on this blog that made this one of the worst experiences of my whole entire life. oh and the bus driver tried to pee on Jordan. the whole nightmare had me out of commission for two days (thank GOD for gravol, if you're traveling in Bolivia bring nothing but clothes you dont mind incinerating after wearing, gravol, immodium and a knife...oh and your own food). will post pictures of bus as soon as possible (i could only take a couple before stealthily hiding my camera and whimpering in the corner).

Take off the suit, monkey-man!

2010-05-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

Internet finally!!
So my last blog was actually years ago, before we hit the real rough patches and were actually complaining about our semi/cama (which was positively Westcoast-like) we made friends, we had a super nice tour director who called the asshole who ripped us off and yelled at him, and arrived in La Paz safe and sound. And that's where our problemos began. First order of business - don't stay at the Radisson. If you need more details I'll forward you my very poignant letter to the head of Radisson enterprise detailing our horrible experience there and how their rude and utterly unhelpful staff not only provided the worst customer service I have ever experienced but in fact put us in a precarious situation in which our safety and comfort was compromised. BUT we saw the best show I have ever seen in my life, and I doubt I will ever be as thoroughly entertained as I was that one night at the bolivia circus.

Abuhadba alakazam!

*it's actually just called the Abuhadba circus, and while it may not look like much from the outside (a small tent on the side of a busy thoroughfare) for a measly 5$ you can enter into an alternate universe comprised of part Bolivian freakshow, part exotic dancing, extraordinary talent, edge-of-your-seat thrills and an overall magical experience. If you are in La Paz and you do not see this circus, you have completely wasted your time, seeing as everything else sucks. Well, that may be a little harsh but we did get ripped off left right and center, scolded, yelled at and lied to and did not really enjoy our overall Bolivia experience (but more on that later). But this circus made it all worthwhile! I can't upload any pictures for the time being because my adapty thingy for the computer camera whatever is no longer with us, but when I replace it, the photos and mainly the videos will speak for themselves. Except they arent the best quality because i actually wasnt allowed to take pictures. if you are going to see the circus, stop reading now because it's so much better to have no idea what to expect and be completely blown away but if you never intend to set foot in la paz (and i dont blame you) then I'll recount a bit of our mystical experience in a very small circus tent.

So first of all, we had a bit of time to kill before the show and the ticket lady told us "do NOT walk around, VERY dangerous". So we basically moseyed around the tent where five women had set up stalls of every candy imaginable and behind them were tenst of chocolate-covered fruit kebobs and popcorn. When we finally entered the circus, the ticket-man asked us what the hell we were doing there, that there had never been any tourists at the show and didn't we know it was for ninos? Inside the tent there are about 200 seats including bleachers and plastic lawn chairs. there were maybe 15 people present, ourselves included. the first acts were acrobatic and were absolutely mind-boggling, it is so much more stressful to watch amateur bolivians do crazy routines on gigantic spinning metal thingies with no net than it is to watch trained professionals at the circque de soleil and is consequently way more impressive. The other thing that really struck us was that while the circus was aimed for children in many ways, all of the women were half-naked, doing very lewd dance moves and some of the routines included stripping. there was also a skit with a bunch of clowns having a singing competition wherein each contestant was shot if he sang off key. And the absolute most shocking and upsettimng thing was when the main clown asked two children to come up on stage and two adorable little kids ran up, but he told the second one to sit back down because he was too ugly. My heart broke for the poor little five year old who returned to his seat bawling, and wasn't even comforted by his parents (where were they anyways?) and received no apology from the clown, the show just went on! Anyways recounting all of the acts could not possibly convey how amazing the whole performance was, so i'll just say that the coolest one was when two guys motorcycled through a spinning metal globe (like in the simpsons movie) at the same time (and this was in a tiny little tent) and that it made La Paz worthwhile. the end.

ipod note writing on a bus

2010-05-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

On a bus from Cusco to La Paz. Nude by Radiohead. One step up from a greyhound for a fourteen hour drive.

Hope we have enough food

hope I don't have to use the bathroom

hope no one steals my stuff while i sleep

hope I sleep.

Superfluous concerns. So what if the guy at the bus terminal sold us a super cama with seats that recline to 180 degrees, hot meals and pillows? So we over-payed. So what there were 30 puppies in a tiny wooden crate bound for a six hour bus ride?

Not "so what".

They probably won't make it alive.

So what there's no toilet paper.

They were beautiful, soft, melting together in a drugged heap. Could they even breathe?

Am I really just supposed to ignore the fact that one of them lifted his head out of the wooden planked-prison, chewed on my fingers and became mine? He would sell them all to me for 100 dollars. The price of 30 puppies freedom from the stifling and inhumane crate.

What will I do with 30 puppies?

Can I walk away?

No, i can't. I absolutely cannot. their paws are still soft and pink and fragile. Absence of a plan creates the facade of an escape route, the shirking of responsibility by excuse of powerlessness. So now part of me is on a bus, heading into Bolivia worrying about bathroom conditions and theft of possessions but still unable to walk away. A hundred dollars is burning a hole in my conscience, teeth marks on my finger and "so what" resounding angrily in my mind. Ballad of Distances Part I by Stars of the Lid.

I don't forecast any sleep on this ride but the stars are bright and I don't think i'll run out of mountains; maybe just batteries on my ipod and different positions to contort into on a bus seat. The Spanish movie is so loud I can hear it through my ear plugs and Ipod music (Secos y molhados by Os Mutantes). They always play violent movies on buses, probably as an effort to compensate for the extreme lack of action within the bus but serving instead as a frequent wakeup call with a side of a heart attack as you're roused from slumber by an AK47 dispensing multiple rounds into a (deserving? I haven't been following the plot) victim, which is a welcome relief once you realize the bus is not being hijaked. They're all deserving in my books.

I should invest in some noise-cancelling ear phones, I think that they would radically improve my life. I could walk around with them on, cord tucked into my pocket, bobbing my head a bit and giving off the erroneous illusion that I'm just your average hipster listening to music. Little would people know I would actually be achieving peace of mind by cancelling out gratuitous ruckus and concentrating on my prolific thought processes (oh, noise-cancelling headphones will also render my thought processes prolific. So it's a good investment.) I wonder how the world would feel silent; a perfect way to gain control of it by turning it into a silent movie with my own internal dialogue and soundtrack, the sole audience member and simultaneous director of my own hushed production. I would also be able to sleep better on long bus rides.

Next on my list of potential investment should be pins. they are an efficient and artistic means of conveying messages. For example, I met a very interesting fellow from australia on a train who was sporting a pin that said "I am not gay" so i didn't even need to ask, avoiding a potentially awkward situation. when attending a dinner party where i'll be obliged to introduce myself numerous times, I'll simply don a pin detailing my pertinent personal information (that which is relevant to the particular social construct) and when i tire of repeating myself i'll simply ask my new acquaintance to kindly refer to the aforementioned pin. The advantages are endless, really, and I can color coordinate them with my new Alpaca wardrobe. From now on i will be clad entirely head-to-toe in Alpaca.

Bolivia. What is there in Bolivia? Is the traveler searching or observing? Are all these Alpaca-clad backpack-toting wanderers looking for something? Is it always the same? Wisdom in distance and growth in experience? what is there in bolivia?

There is a road block 15 k from the border with peru. There are rocks barring entry by way of vehicule. There is an angry mob of farmers potentially blocking entry by means of pedestrian transportation. There is a bus that does not have super camas or hot meals parked at the side of the road, full of confusion, the prediction of the protest lasting two days and certain young traveler really hoping that we don't have to walk. This is what there is in bolivia thus far.

no molestarme, cusco!

2010-05-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

another early wakeup for our flight from lima (again) to Cusco! Most disgusting breakfast to date. no pictures of it because a) it was disgusting and b) I don't even function well enough to walk properly before noon let alone unleash my photographic genius on tuna filled tamales, potatoes and hot dogs. Our flight was relatively uneventful except that we were sitting in front of the most annoying Japanese tourists ever. Which is strange seeing as the Japanese tourist is usually a very pleasant, albeit frenetic picture-taking species. these ones were monstrosities. There were a bunch of empty seats on the plane so i decided that I was going to take the row of three next to us and lie down to sleep, but the Japanese spies overheard my plan and jumped up and ran to the seats before the plane even started moving. one lady took up all three seats and did not even lie down!! Then two of them installed themselves behind us and had the LOUDEST conversation EVER, leaning forward so they were right in my trying-to-sleep-ear, taking pictures and kicking my seat and their friends kept coming over, leaning over me to take pictures of the clouds. very irritating. We pretty much went right to our hotel arquelogo. Pretty cool, our 30 dollar each a night room comprised of a downstairs with a futon, table and chairs and bathroom and upstairs were the beds. It was cozy except jordan hit his head every time he went downstairs, and it was pretty funny listening to him try to make it to the bathroom in the dark without his glasses (funny enough not to turn on the light). There was a large interior courtyard with a covered ceiling and a pretty cool restaurant where the waitors perform opera shows as you eat every single night. they were very talented but it was kinda weird. We met up with Ali in the main square and she was a really great tour guide of Cusco, we had milkshakes overlooking the square (trespassed on private property) and began what would become an obsessive consumption of alpaca products. Overall, although Cusco was pretty it was my least favorite place in Peru because it was overrun with tourists, most of the locals you encounter are incessantly pestering you to buy their product "massaje massaje!" and it gets tiring and annoying very quickly. That being said we still had a great time.

MACHU PICHU - for the quadriplegic

since we had planned on doing crazy hikes in Huaraz (which, I maintain, is the BEST place to go hiking/treking) we didn't alot any time to do a hike in Machu Pichu and the Inca Trail was booked since last year so we opted for the day tour so that we could at least say we saw it. The bus took like 40 hours, then we had to wait for the train then the train took 200 hours and by the time we finally got there it was a bit of a disappointment, so needless to say I'm happy we didn't climb for four days to get the view. Also we had to wake up at 6, which always makes me slightly grumpy. The train ride was actually fun because we sat with a very interesting Australian man and English woman, he has pretty much been travelling his whole life working onn oil briggs, then at a carnival, then installing telephone wires. He told us about his crazy experience in the amazon with a tribal hallucinogenic ritual, so we were kept entertained for the duration. When we actually got to Machu Pichu, it was very beautiful. The mountains are gigantic, the Inca village is slightly haunting and it makes for a gorgeous panoramic but in my opinion it's nothing compared to the snow-capped peaks of Huaraz, plus the view was entirely obscured by hoards of tourists, making it impossible to even take a picture without accidentally incorporating a nose, hat or arm into the frame. After we did the tour we had some time to kill before the night bus back so we decided to check out the hot springs. big mistake. possibly the grossest thing I've ever done.

Hot Springs - not nearly as organic and peaceful as I had imagined. Sure, you can kinda see the mountains but the springs are actually just unchlorinated, murky swimming pools on a block of concrete next to a dirty river filled to the brim with drunk backpackers and filthy asian men twirling their braided beards. did I mention the water is unchlorinated? I had to try really hard not to puke in my mouth as I stood in what was essentially a bathtub with a bunch of hygienically challenged strangers. Unless you're with a group of friends and really feeling the dirty, Bob-Marley hostel scene, and don't mind the idea of sharing lukewarm and unsterilised water with a bunch of strangers, stay away.

Places to go in Cusco:

Green!! on Tandapata street right off the main square (to the right if you're facing the cathedral) it's upstairs. Believe it or not I'm actually raving about an organic restaurant the likes of which I would have refused to enter a few months ago. But it's absolutely amazing and you can eat outside. It's particularly great if you happen to be gluten-intolerant, they have quinoa salad, lentil salad, the best mushrooms I've ever had in my life as well as chicken curry and shephards pie and all kinds of other things. It's really good, I highly reccomend it, pictures shown below. The restaurant below it is also AMAZING but in a much higher price range. The roast beef carpaccio is so good i ordered two and Jordan said his oso buco was amazing (I just take his word for it). Our other favorite Cusco restaurant is Qori Chaska, in a sunny courtyard next to an Irish pub. The special Peruvian chicken dish is soooo good.

aside from eating, walking around with Ali and Machu Pichu we saw some baby Alpacas, bought a TON of their sweater products and whatnot (and had so much fun in those little markets), watched a parade in the main square and did a whole lot of trip planning. If you're going to Peru, i would actually suggest skipping Cusco (gasp) if you're short on time because everywhere else we went felt much more authentic, we really felt a kinship with the people even just being there for a few days and Cusco felt like any big city with a Peruvian theme and a bunch of hagglers trying to get your money. Maybe I've just started disliking backpackers in my old age, but it seems to me we always have the best time in places that are not frequented by drunken adolescents or middle aged tourists who don't speak a word of Spanish and think that yelling in English will help them out. Still had a great time though, the highlight was definitely meeting up with Ali, hope you're having the best time in Panama! (will upload pictures soon, right now I'm in Bolivia and exhausted)

Lima Pictures

2010-05-24T14:58:00.001-07:00

Paracas penguins, pelicans and guano (look at the pictures from the bottom up for chronological order and cuz its cooler)

2010-05-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

no pictures for a while because we haven´t had much internet, which is too bad because these pictures are insane. after lima we took a bus to Paracas (near Ica and Pisco) they played that stupid movie about the greek tour guide with the same actress as my big fat greek wedding, most annoying movie ever but it ended up being perfect because our tour group the next day was exactly like the annoying group in the movie. The bus ride really cool because we were driving through complete desert even though we could still sort of see the ocean with shantytowns covering the sand. Literally houses made out of trash thrown to the side of the road, wooden planks and cocal cola advertising billboards. It was a crazy landscape, but even weirder was that the bus had wifi connection as we drove through the desert.

Paracas - on the internet there are only four hotels, two upscale (pretty expensive) and two falling apart, no hot water. WQhen we got there there was definitiely more of a selection but i would advice to splurge a little on the hotel because there is absolutely nothing to do in the block-long town and if you´re doing the early morning tours your just going to want to be able to relax and eat in your hotel, plus it is not safe. Our hotel was the nicest we have ever stayed in. Two armed guard check in point as you enter, a huge infinity pool and jaccuzzi, private beach nad we pretty much had our own little condo with the most comfortable bed and TWO! wide screen tvs with satellite so we got to watch the discovery channel, national geographioc and Iron Man I (the second one is so much better). There was also a restauarnt where you can eat outside overlooking the ocean and fire pits outside with couches by the bar and delicious pisco sours. HUGE hotel, and on ly five rooms were occupied. it was really weird, they have about 300 people working at all times and absolutely n o guests. also there is never any sun just permanent fog and a ton of sand everywhere. Our first day we hung out at the hotel, tried to go swimming but it was too cold and the jaccuzzi was lukewarm at best. the restaurant was delicious and i think we fell asleep at 9:00 which was great because we had to wake up at 6 to make our boat tour to the islas bellistas or ¨poor man´s glapagos.

The tour we were with was an assortment of the most annoying people i have ever seen or met in my entire life. Some highlights included four very loud brazilians (one of which was spsorting a yello ferrari shirt, with his pot belly sticking out) all of them were smoking and talking very loudly about Brazil and how their grsandparents were Italian. There was one bird-watching couple, the man was wearing short khaki shorts with white socks pulled all the way up, a fanny pack, zink on his n ose and a safari hat while his wife clutched their bird watching guide and had her knapsack across her chest so that nobody would steal it. Our guide was amazing, spoke English French and Spanish (it was fun to hear the exact same jokes in three different languages) and we took a boat (with horribly fish-smelling life preservers) to the islands where we saw more birds than I have evr seen in my life. One part of the island is black and white fromfar and when you move closer you can sere that the black is all birds and the white is the pelicans. we saw the cutest penguins diving into the water and sea lions sun bathing. It was a lot of fun except that I´ve also never smelled anything so bad in my life. The island serves as fertilizer for the surrounding area, people come and dstay there for three months at a time cleaning up all the guano (what a shitty job, ha ha ha). Oh and on the way back there were huge waves so I was trying very hard not to vomit, and clutching Jordan´s hand so hard his fingers were white. I´m going to have to work on my motion sickness before i sign up to become a deck hand on a whaling ship (next christmas).

we got back to paracas at around ten oclock and set off right away for Huacachina by taxi, about an houyr and a half drive, stopping at a stall where they make the best olives we have ever had. we got two kilos for about three bucks. Huacachina is an oasis in the middle of the desert, has the coolest sand dunes ever it looks like the sahara. we took a sand buggy tour over the dunes (I was particularly brave this day, conquering my fears of water, fast driving and snowboarding all in one shot) definitely not for the faint of heart. the driver goes barreling over the sand dunes at breakneck speed, and when you get the top it looks like you´re on the edge of a cliff before he goes flying over the lip and down the side. its like the craziest rollercoaster ever. I couldn´t get over the scenery, trying to take pictures as we´re whizzing up and down and im simultaneously trying to to cry a little bit. It was so much fun though. every now and then he would stop at the top of the dunes and we´d get out and go sandboarding which is sooo much harder than snowboarding i could barely even stay up and ended up going down on my stomach, which is equally terrifying by the way going facefirst down a gigantic sand dune but soooo much fun. jordan was pretty good by the third try and could get down the dune but we both agreed that on your stomach is more fun if your not boarding thew whole day so you have time to really get a feel for it. thwen we saw the oasis in the middle of the sand dunes which was gorgeous and finally headed back to Paracas, so completely covered in sand that we´re still finding sand in our pockets, noses and wallets. the sand was so soft and warm though i was making sand angels (which might explain why i still cant get it all out of my hair). it was prettyu much the best day ever. I finished my book :( best book EVER (girl with curious hair) and wer went back to Lima. This time the bus played 7 pounds with will smith (which i didnt understand at all) and old dogs which was pretty funny but the worst thoguht out movie ever. if you´re in peru, don´t miss huacachina it was the most fun of the trip so far I think, Ill put up the pictures as soon as i can

Lima Encore

2010-05-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

so I guess I left off when we left Huaraz (seems like years ago) and checked into the Radisson.

travelling advice: The Radisson is exceptionally clean, comfortable bed, satellite TV, cool bar and pool on the roof where there are parties at night and pretty good restaurant. It's reasonably priced for the moderate but totally strapped for cash traveler. It's amazingly located in Mira Flores a short walk from Larcomar (best place in Lima) BUT it has the worst. guest. services. ever. after struggling in Spanish for twenty minutes trying to explain how we were charged twice for dinner (the waiter actually knocked on our door and asked for cash) and how we were woken up three times for airport calls to the wrong room at 4 am, after a mispronounced word the receptionist said in PERFECT English "I can't understand your Spanish." infuriating. Take it or leave it I guess. For the traveler who is feeling particularly liquid, check into the Miraflores Park Hotel, it's gorgeous with a pool, spa, super cool bars and quite out of our price range (400 a night).

What to do in Lima -

if you are filthy and exhausted, a shower at the Radisson is pretty much the best thing in the whole entire world. Not to mention the big, comfy white bed with as many pillows as I please (which is exactly 4, or 5 if at all possible) plus it was kind of nice to see some normal tourists speaking English and be back in civilization.

MUST go to Haiti cafe in the Parque Kennedy; it looks like a french cafe (tables outside, bistro style) but has distinct south American flair. The waiters are amazing and wear green bow ties. The food is really good too, best chicken soup I have ever had and good soup with egg in it if you're into that kind of thing like my travelling companion.

Go to Larcomar! Check out the pier for a drink but don't bother with food cuz its overpriced. Oh and seeing Iron Man II and Robin Hood with Spanish subtitles is SO much better. That's pretty much what we did seeing as the weather wasn't all that great and we were utterly exhausted. Oh and Jordan went to the gym while I read (obviously) my newfound exercising routine fell apart because I accidentally ate some triego (gluton) and had to lie in bed groaning and whimpering for a few days but I'm all better now! Have to be more careful in the city than the mountains wih cross-contamination, it's crazy that it actually makes a difference but it really does. I would KILL for a sandwich hamburger pizza pasta right now.

here are the Lima photos long overdue!

I am one with the animals

2010-05-15T19:42:00.001-07:00

note: the donkey rolling around on the ground like spencer, me fraternizing with a whole lotta farm animals

oh also, me on top of a mountain with some condors and Jordan sleeping in cafe Andino

mas photos

2010-05-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

photos

2010-05-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

You can learn something from everyone, not just people with no legs.

2010-05-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the best day ever. When we woke up Jordan was suffering from acute man sickness (cuz it sounds like acute mountain sickness, but funny) so we decided to high-tail it out of Huaraz para el supercama (which, if you read the previous post you will realize was unavailable sowe had to settle for peasantry.) We called a taxi and decided to walk out to meet it but it ended up getting in a horrible accident on the way up (because our mejor amigo Theo was otherwise occupied and sent his brother who did not know the perilous mountain route as well as our favorite taxista). So we ended up walking the entire 15 k into the town, stopping now and then to climb the occasional mountain and fraternize with what I believe were Condors.

It was the best walk / hike / outdoor activity I have ever done. Not only were we amidst the most gorgeous scenery I have ever seen, but I got to make friends with a whole array of burros (donkeys), sheep, baby pigs, cows, chickens and a whole lotta dogs. Also we got invited in for lunch by a bunch of toothless locals who had never heard of Canada (mas nord que los etados unidos). I also got to take the best pictures ever, except for the one of little naked kids swimming in a stream because Jordan wouldn't let me.

Oh and I got viciously attacked by a pero loco (mad dog) as we walked down. We were warned to carry rocks in case any of the dogs tried to bite us. I declined to do so, but Jordan obviously has no problem pelting animals with hard objects, which came in handy because he had to save my life from the crazy beast that narrowly missed my leg with his snapping fangs. It was actually really traumatic, the dogs didn't even let up when Jordan threatened to throw rocks at him and we had to run away screaming (mostly me) while they chased after us. After that I pretty much whimpered and cowered and made Jordan go in front of me whenever we passed any more dogs, which is pretty sad considering my love for canines.

All in all, greatest day ever. When we finally got to the town we booked our bus tickets and ate at our favorite restaurant where the dogs of Peru were redeemed by the cutest little puppy I have ever seen (Aside from Spen, obviously) He was chasing little kids on a bike, scratched his face on my leg, cuddled a woman selling bracelets and did somersaults down a ramp (all of which is documented by pictures, but it takes too long to upload them and I'm waiting for Jordan to get out of the shower).

Speaking of showers I have never been so dirty in my life. My hair is white from dust and dirt, I smell like Bob Izumi bug spray (and worse). We literally got onto an 8 hour long bus after a 4 hour long trek through farmland and mountains and mud, then couldn't check into our room because it wasn't ready and had to bum around the lobby. Luckily we checked into the Radisson (obviously) because the country life was getting to be a bit much for us. It's the first time we've actually seen real English-speaking tourists, normal breakfast buffet and CIVILIZATION!! in what seems like years.

He's out of the shower, I've never been so excited por banar in my life.

places to go in Huaraz

2010-05-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

Encuantro Restaurant in Parque de Periodists

best encuantro salad + peruvian dishes and a really nice courtyard where you can eat outside. probably the best restaurant in Huaraz.

Cafe Andino

ignore the obvious gringo vibe and horrible Bob Dylan covers, cuz this place is so cool. Food is good, they have great espresso but more importantly (for me at least) there are really comfy couches, cool designs on the wall, including a mural of Where the Wild Things Are, a book exchange and a library where you can borrow books. There's also an area to plan tours and pick up last minute gifts (super kitchy but whatever) and it's the perfect place if you're waiting for the 11:00 bus to Lima cuz there's internet.

Also, use the bathroom in the nice casinos because they're the cleanest and you can win a lifetime supply of condensed milk or a bed. Jordan loved the odds.

Definitely shell out the extra ten dollars or whatever for the super cama - we had to take the regular cama because there was no more room, and it made the 8 hours so much more unpleasant. The seats aren't nearly as comfortable, the tv doesn't have headphone jacks so it's blaring in Spanish which makes it impossible to sleep even with earplugs and your ipod on full blast. The bathrooms don't have any toilet paper, and they won't give you any if you ask. Not exactly a rural bus full of chickens but not the best way to travel after a 15k walk (more on that later) supercama is the way to go.

CUIDADO - este post has a graphic description of los banos

2010-05-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

things I don't LOVE about Huaraz (only because I'm waiting for dinner, saving my book and Jordan isn't entertaining me)

1. the bathrooms in the inn. So I like the idea of being green and all especially in a rural poor community, not leaving behind any waste. That being said I'm sick of these bathrooms. they are dry-composting bathrooms which means they are separated into two sections: for liquids and solids which are then used to fertilize the earth (and ew, I just realized everything I'm eating comes from the gardens here, which yeah I know fertilizer is poo and all, but I'm still super grossed out.) Also, there is no flusher, just a hose and you have to throw the toilet paper into a little basket next to the toilet. The bathrooms stink. It's not horrible, but after day three it gets old. (what would a blog be without a bathroom update?)

2. Day one, when we went to the escuela my pants did not reach all the way down to my ankles and I got probably 40 bites on my ankles. they aren't quite mosquito bites, my ankles are the size of tennis balls and they alternate between being infuriatingly itchy and sore despite calamine lotion, after-bite and my aloe-socks (coolest things ever, thanks mummy!!)

3. That Jordan can't breathe, obviously.

but that is absolutely all the rest is amazing! I'm going to uplaod a picture of the toilet later for your viewing pleasure. In the meantime check out my mosquito bites, they're so gross!!

espoceria, piedementos and more made-up spanish

2010-05-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

Huaraz is my favorite place in the world. Last night we all hung out by the fire drinking wine and talking, then had palenta in honor of my celiaks (no puedo comer triega), read a bit (I'm already almost done all my books and pretty pissed at Jordan for not letting me bring more). Today we went into the town, which is the coolest place ever. Actually the drive down is my favorite, it's about 45 minutes passing little kids herding baby sheep and dogs and pigs being friends, I wanted to take so many pictures but it's really hard from the taxi and our driver and mejor amigo Theo was getting annoyed with my "mas lente, quero tomar un photo). Jordan is still SUPER sick though so I don't think we're going to be able to do the trek, maybe just a one-day one, which is actually fine with me because I realized I'd be terrified to sleep outside here, and freezing.

We had our best meal of the entire trip and possibly ever today; I found a little doorway in the middle of the main street of Huaraz and behind it was a courtyard where we sat outside at a restaurant, I had a really good salad and Jordan ordered a mystery meal that came in a box wrapped in banana leaves. It's called Pachamanga; It had a potato, a hot tamale a sweet potato, Peruvian corn (which has huge kernels and tastes very different) green beans and about three different types of meat with amazing sauce, it was possibly the best thing I have ever tasted. The best part about it was it was like a wonderful surprise box that just kept revealing more and more food! Oh and my salad was just delicious.

Some things I love about Huaraz and Peru in general:

the first thing I can't get over is how freaking cute the children are. Not only that but they're so happy and playful! And the best part is that their parents are very loving and affectionate with them, which you don't often see when travelling outside of North america especially in poor areas. Even though the children are filthy and poor, their mothers still take the time to braid their hair and sometimes put flowers in it. I took a million pictures of mothers kissing and hugging their kids, or laughing at them while they played, it's really beautiful to see.

The other thing is that the people are probably the nicest people I have ever met, ESPECIALLY when travelling and looking so obviously like a tourist, there is barely any begging and everyone says good morning and tries to help you when you're walking around. Also everyone seems really happy. It's like the best poverty I have ever seen haha.

Huaraz is GORGEOUS.

The animals!!! Can't get over it. Baby pigs playing with puppies, dogs lounging on the roofs of houses there are adorable animals everywhere. This place is a photographers dream. Jordan is getting very annoyed of my picture-taking though. I think this camera is my favorite possession, I would love to just walk around for a whole day taking pictures, if only I wouldn't have to walk back up the impossible climb to our hotel. Going to eat dinner now, tomorrow we're going to try and do a day-hike in the morning if Jordan is up for it and then go horseback riding. For those of you who are concerned I'm getting a tan.

huaraz

2010-05-12T15:50:00.000-07:00

what's the altitude

2010-05-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

Jordan has bad altitude sickness so it's a perfect time to work on my tan (check) and blog!

we're in Huaraz, northern Peru, my favorite place in the whole entire world. I have never been anywhere so overwhelmingly beautiful. Our inn is about a 45 minute drive up crazy winding roads that are practically impassable from the town of Huaraz, it's a sprawling property with views of snow-capped mountains, farmland and the cordillera blanca mountain range. It's also the coolest place I've ever stayed with the nicest people. The owner's name is Dianna and she's from Canada but she's lived here for like 10 years. The goal of the inn is to be completely ecologically friendly, zero waste (dry composting in the bathrooms, more on that later) and to promote sustainable development withing the community. The entire compound (main house with guestrooms, horse stables, greenhouse, private cabins) was built entirely by hand by local contractors. It's called the Lazy Dog Inn because there are about 6 dogs just hanging around, sleeping in the sun and bothering the hummingbirds. It's literally like heaven. We have a balcony overlooking the most amazing scenery I have ever seen.

Anyways that's not even the best part, the best part is that it's very much off the beaten trail, all the people staying in the inn are very interesting, conscientious and active as opposed to annoying tourists you often encounter in hostels. We've made a tone of friends and it feels liek a home away from home, with people hanging out in the livingroom by the fire reading, lunch outside and communal dinner.

We arrived at 7 am after an 11 hour bus ride (also more on the COOLEST bus EVER later) and got here in time for breakfast where we met everyone and then decided to join one of the girls (actually from Ottawa) who has been living here for 5 months volunteering at the local schools. It was a 20 minute extremely steep descent past fields of wheat (sigh) full of workers and women in colorful skirts and funny hats (I didn't know they actually wore that stuff). when we came to the school all the kids ran out to give us hugs and welcome us and everybody along the road was waving and saying "buenas dias". We were with the littlest kids (who are freaking TINY) I'm not sure how old I think as young as four. Many of them can't speak and don't understand very well bu tare still really happy to see us. A lot of them only speak Ankash. We took them to a grassy area (after yet another steep decline) on a cliff, where I had several heart attacks as the four-year olds proceeded to hobble headfirst into ditches and teeter on the brink of the cliff, but the teacher did not seem to mind. I kept picking them up because they were making me too nervous, barely able to walk and tottering blindly headfirst down a rocky hill. I wish I could have taken pictures of them, especially my little friend Nestlea but it would have scared them off and we were there as teachers, not toursist.

The climb back up was HELL and we realized we probably should have taken more time to acclimatise since Jordan basically can't breathe and I was just boiling hot, exhausted and getting bitten by mosquitos. For the rest of the afternoon we hung out around the inn reading/tanning and now Jordan is napping. I'm gonna try and upload some of these pictures because this place is indescribeable. Also based on the pictures it looks like I was not even here because Jordan is a horrible photographer. When he feels better we're gonna walk around and take a million pictures, go horseback riding and do a trek in the cordilleras, most beuatiful mountains ever.

Are people from Tuvalu called Tuvaluvians and are people from Lima called Limes?

2010-05-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

day 2 May 10th,

everything is much better after a good night's sleep. Turns out the hotel is actually adorable, we found a fan and Jordan stayed well on is side of the bed! We went to the Lacomar shopping center in Mira Flores which is the coolest shopping center in the entire world. It's built into a cliff overlooking the ocean. We had lunch while people para glided overhead and others surfed below.

I don't know WHAT people complain about, Lima is a fantastic city and I could live here. It's colorful and eclectic, everything is tiered, there are plants everywhere and the houses and buildings look like random blocks stacked on top of each other with balconies overflowing with greenery. I already picked out three potential houses. My camera is my new best friend, I realize that my hatred of taking pictures stems from an inadequate picture-taking device. with my new snazzy contraption I've been stopping every three seconds (to Jordan's dismay) to take pictures. We're going for dinner and drinks now to Tai bar, apparently a hot spot amongst Limeans (Limayans, Limes). Tomorrow we go para gliding and bus touring then an 11-hour bus ride to Huaraz!! Oh and Jordan's bag arrived, thank God.

Day 1, Lima

2010-05-09T23:27:00.000-07:00

2 am - Lima, Peru Star Apartments. Not quite as advertised on the internet.

things I forgot:

- proof of yellow fever vaccine

- guide book

- cortisone cream (for some reason my fingers have swelled to small sausages)

- sleeping bag liner (way too hot for pyjama pants, dont wanna wear boxers cuz I'm not really trusting the linen on bare skin)

things American Airline forgot:

- Jordan's bag.

Flight was uneventful, read Better by Atul Gawande (dad, go read it, now) and the person in front of me may have pooed in their pants. Then they lost Jordo's bag then the taxi was super expensive then we realized our hotel was in the middle of nowhere. Almost started to cry when the taxi driver pulled over at 2 am on a deserted street in front of a building with a gate and told us we were at the address. Anyways turned out fine, would be finer with air conditioning or at least a fan and a bigger bed but oh well so the adventure begins!